Being that this is the first post, it might be important to explain a couple of things. I can imagine you've been attracted to the title and might be wondering if you're in for a titillating ride of 3rd party indulgence in someone else's antics?? What kind of person and life will be outlined in a blog named "Confessions of a Former Jezebel"? Are you going to hear a bunch of stories along the lines of "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands"?? And what was with the blog description that makes some kind of "christian" reference, which might make you wonder and potentially worry if you're getting ready to dive into the ramblings of a potential fundamentalist nut job with intense issues stemming from the unnecessary oppressive rules and regulations that hinder the full expression of our sexuality and therefore identity??
Another thing we do together, is pray. This morning, when we came back from mass, I felt an inspiration. It's the personal fruit of many years of prayer, suffering, hard work, growing, healing and learning on my part. This inspiration was to sit down and begin to recount the journey that has brought me to this point… this point, which is the doorway to an as yet another unknown, but one which I welcome and to which I am greatly looking forward. To live a joyful life. A fulfilled life. One, where I am clear and sure of my heart and its' decisions. One, where I can really enjoy someone and let them enjoy me. One, where I get to daily move towards my most innocent dreams and goals of childhood. A life of real intimacy and of plans and hopes outlined against a starry, open sky.
Something that is also important to know, is that there was a time when I couldn't even begin to envision any of what I'm experiencing now. In fact, honestly, I didn't think it was possible. Technically, it was impossible. The idea of one day marrying and living a stable, solid, peaceful life was even more ludicrous. In fact, most people would state it's impossible no matter where you are, who you are etc. That in a society where more than 50% of all marriages fail, what in the world could ever guarantee the dream I was outlining above??
I understand all that. I don't deny the statistics. I don't deny the difficulties, the obstacles, the challenges… whatever you want to call them. I don't deny that we're frail human beings that will always fail on some level. I don't deny that there will be points in time when everything in you wants to give up. Period.
Along with what I've just said, I'll put forth another idea that runs counter to it. This blog is a message. It's a message about the power of God. The true power of freedom and what it really entails.
It's about believing in the impossible when the everything the world says… flies in the face of it. I'll be frank, and at the same time, I'll do my best to be sensitive where it is necessary. I'm unafraid of facing the reality of what it means to be a former Jezebel, because I KNOW the reality of being completely freed of it! I know both sides, and everyday I see, that most of the women I know, are weighted down by "Jezebel" in some way or another. And it doesn't have to be that way.
I'm here to encourage you… whoever you are. To all the other gals in the world, who know what it's like to chase after the need to be known, to be loved, to be touched, to be experienced… this blog is for you. The message is that there's a pathway out of the forest. It exists. I've walked and continue to walk it everyday. I've found it to be catalyzing, refreshing, enlivening, healing… and the list goes on.
This blog will be about everything stated above, because everything is affected by our sexual lives. Sex is not separate of our identity. It's a part of it. A crucial part of it. It's the direct reflection of our hearts. This blog will explore my journey. And maybe in hearing my story, it'll give a bit more hope to yours.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
F.J.
"…to restore all things in Christ…" -Ephesians 1:10
No comments:
Post a Comment